A Spiritual Experience

A question presents itself as I consider writing an entry tonight. Do I write the truth, or do I write something nice? Do I offer a true representation of myself, what I really think, how I really behave regarding my spiritual path? Or do I write about something easy to stomach, easy to understand? Do I write for a percieved audience or do I write for myself?

I notice that there's a bit of ego involved in this perception of an audience. Ego has decided that percieved audience would not understand what I might call the truth about me and my path (grandiosity), and/or percieved audience would not like/approve/appreciate that truth and I would alienate audience (inferiority). That's pretty much the extent of ego's terrain: grandiosity and inferiority. Nothing in between.

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run With the Wolves) is a fabulous storyteller, teacher, sage. For 4 weeks recently, once a week, I listened to a live webinar of her reading from her unpublished material titled, The Dangerous Old Woman. Not just reading, but discussing, illuminating. I am in awe of her and her mind and her heart. She said that eccentricity is a sign of giftedness. I have been inspired to be eccentric.

What does that look like for me? Dress how I want instead of worrying about dressing "my age." Do my hair how I want even if I think it looks like a teenager's. Wear my own handmade clothing if it makes me happy. Be a writer. Write about my unique point of view of the universe. My point of view is unique, as is all of ours, and someone might just need to hear it. Perhaps. That's why I decided to do this blog, because some part of me thinks what I have to say is important.

So I guess that's my job here, to tell the truth as I know it today. Caveat: it could change at any moment. But that's what I'll do. It's risky. Percieved audience might not like it. Back to Dangerous Old Woman. Do I really care? I don't. I have not the time or energy to spare to stifle my eccentricity, my uniqueness, my self any longer. It takes courage, courage I never had before. Courage I must have now. Courage is easy to get, by the way. I just have to ask for it. Courage, be in my heart. And so it is.

I had a spiritual experience this morning. Any experience that provides a feeling of connection to a power greater than myself, that stands out in the landscape of a day or a week, this I call a spiritual experience. Sometimes they result in greater understanding, or guidance regarding a decision. Almost always I feel joy, and peace, and a sense that all is as it should be right now.

Today I meditated as I do every morning and when I stood up, I felt a presence. I could have ignored it. Or said, oh, that feels nice. I chose to pick up a journal and a pen. I wrote, "I sense a presence and I am open and willing to hear." And I began writing.

The Psychic Pathway by Sonia Choquette is a seminal guidebook for me. I learned from that book that my soul wants to communicate with me, and I can use "psychic" tools to hear the information. Guided writing is one of those tools. One of the first lessons in learning to use psychic tools is to suspend disbelief. I thought often while writing, "You are making this up, this is not coming from who it says it's coming from." I ignored that thought and just wrote what came up to write. It didn't sound like a voice, thought sometimes it does. Words just came to me to write, but very clearly, and I wrote them. And I felt a presence, a very loving presence.

In my shaman apprenticeship I learned that my soul has access to the entire non-material universe. I learned that the non-material universe includes non-physical beings, called different things in different cultures: angels, ascended beings, spirit guides, ancestors, aliens, the Holy Spirit. I learned of these beings/entities/resources through imaginal experience. In other words, I've had direct experience with many such beings.

That, by the way, is not unique. Everyone has had direct experience with non-physical beings. Everyone on the planet. Most people don't know it. Or knew it once and forgot it. Or thought, they will think I'm crazy, I'm just going to pretend this isn't happening. Many people just experience the loving presence of a helpful being as a feeling. A feeling of being loved. A feeling of connection. A spiritual feeling.

What might be unique, not to me but to this path, is that I embrace these experiences and find them to be a constant resource, available at anytime. I cultivate these experiences.

I wrote about two pages this morning, and afterwards, I felt reassured. I felt connected. I felt supported in a choice to let go of something in my life that I had been trying to make work, but wasn't working. I felt strengthened in my resolve. I felt that I was doing the right thing, doubt was lifted. That was a spiritual experience.