As if a guy with a stick could make these - puh-leeze!
http://tinyurl.com/2du2xkl
http://tinyurl.com/2bjo4xs
Rob Brezsny's Beauty and Truth Laboratory is the one of my favorite websites for astrology and for Pronoia. Check him out.
www.freewillastrology.com
His novel The Televisionary Oracle is blast. His music is not my thing but he is eloquent and irreverent and totally right on to my tastes on most of his views.
Photo by Bahman Farzad
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Jean Hooper Dixon Peterson Apr 23,1934-May 27, 2010
My mother died on May 27th. The primary sensation is exhaustion. Which then leads to emotional sensitivity, or exacerbates it. Problematic to assign causality. Not only do I feel sad about my mother, I also feel sad, mad and glad about everything else, to the extreme. But what about the spirituality?
While at my mother's house in North Carolina for the funeral, I wondered if she would visit me. She came the second day I was there. It was like a dream image during my meditation. It's a sunny day, she is walking down a country road wearing a yellow dress, something out of the 1940's that she would have seen her mother wear, I imagine. She is thin, like she was most of my life. She gained weight as an older woman, mostly in her stomach. She hated that weight.
The next day, I attended the cremation with my cousin Christopher. During the cremation, she stood right next to us. She said to Chris, "I loved you like you were my own." She raised Chris from age five. Then she said that she was proud of all of us. I shared this with Chris and he had his own experience feeling her presence.
The next day was the funeral with my brothers and cousin and a darn good showing from her family, her church and the town. I wore a black dress and straw hat in her honor. She always loved hats and hated that they weren't in style. She came in a red dress and a red hat. Red was her favorite color. She didn't speak but she was very happy. Later that day or later that week I saw her walking away down that country road, accompanied by "her people." That was the language that came to me.
When I got back home, I remember wishing someone would have a healing circle. I attend healing circles with some fellow energy workers every month or so and it had been some time since we had met. Not two days later, Larry sends an email and yesterday I find myself in a healing circle. That's manifestation, sisters.
When it was my turn on the table, I invited my mother into the circle. She came and I had a vision of her as a horrible charred shell of a body. Our intention for the circle was to release judgement of all kinds. I had come to the conclusion that my mother had basically died from 60 years of smoking. I had begun saying it often, with a lot of judgement. I believe that's why I saw her like that. I had an emotional response to that image and approached it with a rush of love. The figure caught fire and burned suddenly and intensely with a white hot light. As it turned to ash, there was my mother in the yellow dress standing next to it, saying "I'm still here." I think that figure was about me, not about her. She was telling me that she was more than my judgements about her, and that she was not suffering anymore.
I felt a strong sense of release. A Course in Miracles says that not only shouldn't we judge, we just can't, because we will never have all the information. We can never know all the reasons why a person makes the choices that they make, so it's ridiculous to judge. I was able to see after that experience all the good she had done in her life. She raised some pretty great kids. If we aren't perfect, is that her fault? I thought so at one time, many years ago. She had been of service to her friends in her hometown, and a lot of people are missing her there right now. She is still being of service to her children through her modest estate. We're all in a bit of need right now and the small bits will help. Who am I to judge a person's life and choices? Even my mother's.
She is now on her way to "God only knows." All the religions out there can tell you exactly where she is right now and they would all say something a little different. What works for me is to know that she is free. Free from her sick tired body. Free from her fears and pain. She is in the Light. I feel that I can call on her whenever I want to, but I wouldn't want to bother her.
Did I mention that her children did not know she was in the hospital? We found out from her friend Patsy when I called looking for her because she hadn't answered her phone in a few days. She made her friends promise not to tell us because she didn't want to bother us. Training goes deep. In her defense, nobody, including her doctors, knew how sick she really was. Even if she knew, would she have told us?
She is free, but am I free of her? Her influence, as I judge it to be good or bad? But let that be a topic for another entry. Today I am free to love her, to focus on the positive feelings that have come out of the last few weeks. And free to be sad, mad and glad as much as I need to be.
While at my mother's house in North Carolina for the funeral, I wondered if she would visit me. She came the second day I was there. It was like a dream image during my meditation. It's a sunny day, she is walking down a country road wearing a yellow dress, something out of the 1940's that she would have seen her mother wear, I imagine. She is thin, like she was most of my life. She gained weight as an older woman, mostly in her stomach. She hated that weight.
The next day, I attended the cremation with my cousin Christopher. During the cremation, she stood right next to us. She said to Chris, "I loved you like you were my own." She raised Chris from age five. Then she said that she was proud of all of us. I shared this with Chris and he had his own experience feeling her presence.
The next day was the funeral with my brothers and cousin and a darn good showing from her family, her church and the town. I wore a black dress and straw hat in her honor. She always loved hats and hated that they weren't in style. She came in a red dress and a red hat. Red was her favorite color. She didn't speak but she was very happy. Later that day or later that week I saw her walking away down that country road, accompanied by "her people." That was the language that came to me.
When I got back home, I remember wishing someone would have a healing circle. I attend healing circles with some fellow energy workers every month or so and it had been some time since we had met. Not two days later, Larry sends an email and yesterday I find myself in a healing circle. That's manifestation, sisters.
When it was my turn on the table, I invited my mother into the circle. She came and I had a vision of her as a horrible charred shell of a body. Our intention for the circle was to release judgement of all kinds. I had come to the conclusion that my mother had basically died from 60 years of smoking. I had begun saying it often, with a lot of judgement. I believe that's why I saw her like that. I had an emotional response to that image and approached it with a rush of love. The figure caught fire and burned suddenly and intensely with a white hot light. As it turned to ash, there was my mother in the yellow dress standing next to it, saying "I'm still here." I think that figure was about me, not about her. She was telling me that she was more than my judgements about her, and that she was not suffering anymore.
I felt a strong sense of release. A Course in Miracles says that not only shouldn't we judge, we just can't, because we will never have all the information. We can never know all the reasons why a person makes the choices that they make, so it's ridiculous to judge. I was able to see after that experience all the good she had done in her life. She raised some pretty great kids. If we aren't perfect, is that her fault? I thought so at one time, many years ago. She had been of service to her friends in her hometown, and a lot of people are missing her there right now. She is still being of service to her children through her modest estate. We're all in a bit of need right now and the small bits will help. Who am I to judge a person's life and choices? Even my mother's.
She is now on her way to "God only knows." All the religions out there can tell you exactly where she is right now and they would all say something a little different. What works for me is to know that she is free. Free from her sick tired body. Free from her fears and pain. She is in the Light. I feel that I can call on her whenever I want to, but I wouldn't want to bother her.
Did I mention that her children did not know she was in the hospital? We found out from her friend Patsy when I called looking for her because she hadn't answered her phone in a few days. She made her friends promise not to tell us because she didn't want to bother us. Training goes deep. In her defense, nobody, including her doctors, knew how sick she really was. Even if she knew, would she have told us?
She is free, but am I free of her? Her influence, as I judge it to be good or bad? But let that be a topic for another entry. Today I am free to love her, to focus on the positive feelings that have come out of the last few weeks. And free to be sad, mad and glad as much as I need to be.
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