I sat at the Mississippi yesterday. I sat at the Mississippi because Spirit told me to. That's how I try to live today, by asking Spirit what Spirit wants from me today. What I thought I wanted to do yesterday was attend a writing workshop: short, inexpensive, yoga/writing workshop at Wild Lotus. Seemed harmless enough. As I prepared to say to someone, "I'm going to attend this workshop tomorrow," I thought, I'll check it out first. I did my magic thing to know the Almighty's will at any time (yes, you too can know the God of the Universe's will at any time as well: it's called muscle testing) and the answer was no on the workshop. And as I asked, and wondered, "Really, why not?" (I wonder that often when I don't get the answer I am expecting, or wanting) an image of myself sitting by the river came to my mind. So I asked, "Sit by the river and get some sun?" and the answer was yes. So I changed my plans.
Free will universe, friends. I did not have to change my plans. But I chose to, because I am trust that the more I respect and respond to Guidance, the more I am guided.
I went to the river after a trip to the knitting store with my friend who lives near the river. So it made sense to go directly to the river from her house, instead of going home first to get my laptop, my blanket, my pad to sit/lie on, my pillows, my whatever all I had decided I would take on this adventure. You can tell it's been a long time since I had just sat outside by the river. Mostly due to weather and home-body-ness. This is only ten minutes from my house.
So I take only the yarn I have just purchased, a bottle of water and a small coat to sit on. I sit by the river. And wonder what I am doing there. Expecting... someone to walk up and discover me? Meet my soul-mate? Have a profound vision? Heal the world? I expect something, but honestly, only for a few minutes. Then I am able to just settle in and notice the world around me. The feel of the warm sun, the cool but not cold breeze. The light reflecting off the water, the sounds of the people around me. I am one of many drawn to the river this day, as it should be. I notice I am glad to be around people, just listening to the hum of their voices (noticing how I judge them when I can hear what they say, and then let it go).
I take out my yarn, and start to make balls out of the skeins. A couple of tugboats chug upriver, honking at us on the bank, some gulls fly by and the surface of the water reflects the sun and clouds in turn.
Okay, are you ready? Here it comes. The message, the revelation, the reward. Whenever I follow Guidance, I am almost always rewarded by wisdom, clarity, awareness... knowledge.
As I watch the surface of the river, I think, Gosh, it looks like the surface of a lake. I understand why people think they can swim across it. It isn't smooth as glass like a lake can be. There are ripples and wavelets, lots of movement, but in no particular direction. It doesn't look like a river flowing by at an inhuman rate of speed. You can't tell that more than 200,000 cubic feet of water is coursing by every second - just below the surface.
Here's the message: Should I ever think that nothing is going on in my life, if things appear calm, even boring, or if I am mildly or greatly confused, know that there is movement beneath the surface that I cannot even fathom. It has a destination. It - I - am going somewhere.
Photo by Bahman Farzad
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Crop circles via Rob Brezsny
As if a guy with a stick could make these - puh-leeze!
http://tinyurl.com/2du2xkl
http://tinyurl.com/2bjo4xs
Rob Brezsny's Beauty and Truth Laboratory is the one of my favorite websites for astrology and for Pronoia. Check him out.
www.freewillastrology.com
His novel The Televisionary Oracle is blast. His music is not my thing but he is eloquent and irreverent and totally right on to my tastes on most of his views.
http://tinyurl.com/2du2xkl
http://tinyurl.com/2bjo4xs
Rob Brezsny's Beauty and Truth Laboratory is the one of my favorite websites for astrology and for Pronoia. Check him out.
www.freewillastrology.com
His novel The Televisionary Oracle is blast. His music is not my thing but he is eloquent and irreverent and totally right on to my tastes on most of his views.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Jean Hooper Dixon Peterson Apr 23,1934-May 27, 2010
My mother died on May 27th. The primary sensation is exhaustion. Which then leads to emotional sensitivity, or exacerbates it. Problematic to assign causality. Not only do I feel sad about my mother, I also feel sad, mad and glad about everything else, to the extreme. But what about the spirituality?
While at my mother's house in North Carolina for the funeral, I wondered if she would visit me. She came the second day I was there. It was like a dream image during my meditation. It's a sunny day, she is walking down a country road wearing a yellow dress, something out of the 1940's that she would have seen her mother wear, I imagine. She is thin, like she was most of my life. She gained weight as an older woman, mostly in her stomach. She hated that weight.
The next day, I attended the cremation with my cousin Christopher. During the cremation, she stood right next to us. She said to Chris, "I loved you like you were my own." She raised Chris from age five. Then she said that she was proud of all of us. I shared this with Chris and he had his own experience feeling her presence.
The next day was the funeral with my brothers and cousin and a darn good showing from her family, her church and the town. I wore a black dress and straw hat in her honor. She always loved hats and hated that they weren't in style. She came in a red dress and a red hat. Red was her favorite color. She didn't speak but she was very happy. Later that day or later that week I saw her walking away down that country road, accompanied by "her people." That was the language that came to me.
When I got back home, I remember wishing someone would have a healing circle. I attend healing circles with some fellow energy workers every month or so and it had been some time since we had met. Not two days later, Larry sends an email and yesterday I find myself in a healing circle. That's manifestation, sisters.
When it was my turn on the table, I invited my mother into the circle. She came and I had a vision of her as a horrible charred shell of a body. Our intention for the circle was to release judgement of all kinds. I had come to the conclusion that my mother had basically died from 60 years of smoking. I had begun saying it often, with a lot of judgement. I believe that's why I saw her like that. I had an emotional response to that image and approached it with a rush of love. The figure caught fire and burned suddenly and intensely with a white hot light. As it turned to ash, there was my mother in the yellow dress standing next to it, saying "I'm still here." I think that figure was about me, not about her. She was telling me that she was more than my judgements about her, and that she was not suffering anymore.
I felt a strong sense of release. A Course in Miracles says that not only shouldn't we judge, we just can't, because we will never have all the information. We can never know all the reasons why a person makes the choices that they make, so it's ridiculous to judge. I was able to see after that experience all the good she had done in her life. She raised some pretty great kids. If we aren't perfect, is that her fault? I thought so at one time, many years ago. She had been of service to her friends in her hometown, and a lot of people are missing her there right now. She is still being of service to her children through her modest estate. We're all in a bit of need right now and the small bits will help. Who am I to judge a person's life and choices? Even my mother's.
She is now on her way to "God only knows." All the religions out there can tell you exactly where she is right now and they would all say something a little different. What works for me is to know that she is free. Free from her sick tired body. Free from her fears and pain. She is in the Light. I feel that I can call on her whenever I want to, but I wouldn't want to bother her.
Did I mention that her children did not know she was in the hospital? We found out from her friend Patsy when I called looking for her because she hadn't answered her phone in a few days. She made her friends promise not to tell us because she didn't want to bother us. Training goes deep. In her defense, nobody, including her doctors, knew how sick she really was. Even if she knew, would she have told us?
She is free, but am I free of her? Her influence, as I judge it to be good or bad? But let that be a topic for another entry. Today I am free to love her, to focus on the positive feelings that have come out of the last few weeks. And free to be sad, mad and glad as much as I need to be.
While at my mother's house in North Carolina for the funeral, I wondered if she would visit me. She came the second day I was there. It was like a dream image during my meditation. It's a sunny day, she is walking down a country road wearing a yellow dress, something out of the 1940's that she would have seen her mother wear, I imagine. She is thin, like she was most of my life. She gained weight as an older woman, mostly in her stomach. She hated that weight.
The next day, I attended the cremation with my cousin Christopher. During the cremation, she stood right next to us. She said to Chris, "I loved you like you were my own." She raised Chris from age five. Then she said that she was proud of all of us. I shared this with Chris and he had his own experience feeling her presence.
The next day was the funeral with my brothers and cousin and a darn good showing from her family, her church and the town. I wore a black dress and straw hat in her honor. She always loved hats and hated that they weren't in style. She came in a red dress and a red hat. Red was her favorite color. She didn't speak but she was very happy. Later that day or later that week I saw her walking away down that country road, accompanied by "her people." That was the language that came to me.
When I got back home, I remember wishing someone would have a healing circle. I attend healing circles with some fellow energy workers every month or so and it had been some time since we had met. Not two days later, Larry sends an email and yesterday I find myself in a healing circle. That's manifestation, sisters.
When it was my turn on the table, I invited my mother into the circle. She came and I had a vision of her as a horrible charred shell of a body. Our intention for the circle was to release judgement of all kinds. I had come to the conclusion that my mother had basically died from 60 years of smoking. I had begun saying it often, with a lot of judgement. I believe that's why I saw her like that. I had an emotional response to that image and approached it with a rush of love. The figure caught fire and burned suddenly and intensely with a white hot light. As it turned to ash, there was my mother in the yellow dress standing next to it, saying "I'm still here." I think that figure was about me, not about her. She was telling me that she was more than my judgements about her, and that she was not suffering anymore.
I felt a strong sense of release. A Course in Miracles says that not only shouldn't we judge, we just can't, because we will never have all the information. We can never know all the reasons why a person makes the choices that they make, so it's ridiculous to judge. I was able to see after that experience all the good she had done in her life. She raised some pretty great kids. If we aren't perfect, is that her fault? I thought so at one time, many years ago. She had been of service to her friends in her hometown, and a lot of people are missing her there right now. She is still being of service to her children through her modest estate. We're all in a bit of need right now and the small bits will help. Who am I to judge a person's life and choices? Even my mother's.
She is now on her way to "God only knows." All the religions out there can tell you exactly where she is right now and they would all say something a little different. What works for me is to know that she is free. Free from her sick tired body. Free from her fears and pain. She is in the Light. I feel that I can call on her whenever I want to, but I wouldn't want to bother her.
Did I mention that her children did not know she was in the hospital? We found out from her friend Patsy when I called looking for her because she hadn't answered her phone in a few days. She made her friends promise not to tell us because she didn't want to bother us. Training goes deep. In her defense, nobody, including her doctors, knew how sick she really was. Even if she knew, would she have told us?
She is free, but am I free of her? Her influence, as I judge it to be good or bad? But let that be a topic for another entry. Today I am free to love her, to focus on the positive feelings that have come out of the last few weeks. And free to be sad, mad and glad as much as I need to be.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
A Spiritual Experience
A question presents itself as I consider writing an entry tonight. Do I write the truth, or do I write something nice? Do I offer a true representation of myself, what I really think, how I really behave regarding my spiritual path? Or do I write about something easy to stomach, easy to understand? Do I write for a percieved audience or do I write for myself?
I notice that there's a bit of ego involved in this perception of an audience. Ego has decided that percieved audience would not understand what I might call the truth about me and my path (grandiosity), and/or percieved audience would not like/approve/appreciate that truth and I would alienate audience (inferiority). That's pretty much the extent of ego's terrain: grandiosity and inferiority. Nothing in between.
Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run With the Wolves) is a fabulous storyteller, teacher, sage. For 4 weeks recently, once a week, I listened to a live webinar of her reading from her unpublished material titled, The Dangerous Old Woman. Not just reading, but discussing, illuminating. I am in awe of her and her mind and her heart. She said that eccentricity is a sign of giftedness. I have been inspired to be eccentric.
What does that look like for me? Dress how I want instead of worrying about dressing "my age." Do my hair how I want even if I think it looks like a teenager's. Wear my own handmade clothing if it makes me happy. Be a writer. Write about my unique point of view of the universe. My point of view is unique, as is all of ours, and someone might just need to hear it. Perhaps. That's why I decided to do this blog, because some part of me thinks what I have to say is important.
So I guess that's my job here, to tell the truth as I know it today. Caveat: it could change at any moment. But that's what I'll do. It's risky. Percieved audience might not like it. Back to Dangerous Old Woman. Do I really care? I don't. I have not the time or energy to spare to stifle my eccentricity, my uniqueness, my self any longer. It takes courage, courage I never had before. Courage I must have now. Courage is easy to get, by the way. I just have to ask for it. Courage, be in my heart. And so it is.
I had a spiritual experience this morning. Any experience that provides a feeling of connection to a power greater than myself, that stands out in the landscape of a day or a week, this I call a spiritual experience. Sometimes they result in greater understanding, or guidance regarding a decision. Almost always I feel joy, and peace, and a sense that all is as it should be right now.
Today I meditated as I do every morning and when I stood up, I felt a presence. I could have ignored it. Or said, oh, that feels nice. I chose to pick up a journal and a pen. I wrote, "I sense a presence and I am open and willing to hear." And I began writing.
The Psychic Pathway by Sonia Choquette is a seminal guidebook for me. I learned from that book that my soul wants to communicate with me, and I can use "psychic" tools to hear the information. Guided writing is one of those tools. One of the first lessons in learning to use psychic tools is to suspend disbelief. I thought often while writing, "You are making this up, this is not coming from who it says it's coming from." I ignored that thought and just wrote what came up to write. It didn't sound like a voice, thought sometimes it does. Words just came to me to write, but very clearly, and I wrote them. And I felt a presence, a very loving presence.
In my shaman apprenticeship I learned that my soul has access to the entire non-material universe. I learned that the non-material universe includes non-physical beings, called different things in different cultures: angels, ascended beings, spirit guides, ancestors, aliens, the Holy Spirit. I learned of these beings/entities/resources through imaginal experience. In other words, I've had direct experience with many such beings.
That, by the way, is not unique. Everyone has had direct experience with non-physical beings. Everyone on the planet. Most people don't know it. Or knew it once and forgot it. Or thought, they will think I'm crazy, I'm just going to pretend this isn't happening. Many people just experience the loving presence of a helpful being as a feeling. A feeling of being loved. A feeling of connection. A spiritual feeling.
What might be unique, not to me but to this path, is that I embrace these experiences and find them to be a constant resource, available at anytime. I cultivate these experiences.
I wrote about two pages this morning, and afterwards, I felt reassured. I felt connected. I felt supported in a choice to let go of something in my life that I had been trying to make work, but wasn't working. I felt strengthened in my resolve. I felt that I was doing the right thing, doubt was lifted. That was a spiritual experience.
I notice that there's a bit of ego involved in this perception of an audience. Ego has decided that percieved audience would not understand what I might call the truth about me and my path (grandiosity), and/or percieved audience would not like/approve/appreciate that truth and I would alienate audience (inferiority). That's pretty much the extent of ego's terrain: grandiosity and inferiority. Nothing in between.
Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run With the Wolves) is a fabulous storyteller, teacher, sage. For 4 weeks recently, once a week, I listened to a live webinar of her reading from her unpublished material titled, The Dangerous Old Woman. Not just reading, but discussing, illuminating. I am in awe of her and her mind and her heart. She said that eccentricity is a sign of giftedness. I have been inspired to be eccentric.
What does that look like for me? Dress how I want instead of worrying about dressing "my age." Do my hair how I want even if I think it looks like a teenager's. Wear my own handmade clothing if it makes me happy. Be a writer. Write about my unique point of view of the universe. My point of view is unique, as is all of ours, and someone might just need to hear it. Perhaps. That's why I decided to do this blog, because some part of me thinks what I have to say is important.
So I guess that's my job here, to tell the truth as I know it today. Caveat: it could change at any moment. But that's what I'll do. It's risky. Percieved audience might not like it. Back to Dangerous Old Woman. Do I really care? I don't. I have not the time or energy to spare to stifle my eccentricity, my uniqueness, my self any longer. It takes courage, courage I never had before. Courage I must have now. Courage is easy to get, by the way. I just have to ask for it. Courage, be in my heart. And so it is.
I had a spiritual experience this morning. Any experience that provides a feeling of connection to a power greater than myself, that stands out in the landscape of a day or a week, this I call a spiritual experience. Sometimes they result in greater understanding, or guidance regarding a decision. Almost always I feel joy, and peace, and a sense that all is as it should be right now.
Today I meditated as I do every morning and when I stood up, I felt a presence. I could have ignored it. Or said, oh, that feels nice. I chose to pick up a journal and a pen. I wrote, "I sense a presence and I am open and willing to hear." And I began writing.
The Psychic Pathway by Sonia Choquette is a seminal guidebook for me. I learned from that book that my soul wants to communicate with me, and I can use "psychic" tools to hear the information. Guided writing is one of those tools. One of the first lessons in learning to use psychic tools is to suspend disbelief. I thought often while writing, "You are making this up, this is not coming from who it says it's coming from." I ignored that thought and just wrote what came up to write. It didn't sound like a voice, thought sometimes it does. Words just came to me to write, but very clearly, and I wrote them. And I felt a presence, a very loving presence.
In my shaman apprenticeship I learned that my soul has access to the entire non-material universe. I learned that the non-material universe includes non-physical beings, called different things in different cultures: angels, ascended beings, spirit guides, ancestors, aliens, the Holy Spirit. I learned of these beings/entities/resources through imaginal experience. In other words, I've had direct experience with many such beings.
That, by the way, is not unique. Everyone has had direct experience with non-physical beings. Everyone on the planet. Most people don't know it. Or knew it once and forgot it. Or thought, they will think I'm crazy, I'm just going to pretend this isn't happening. Many people just experience the loving presence of a helpful being as a feeling. A feeling of being loved. A feeling of connection. A spiritual feeling.
What might be unique, not to me but to this path, is that I embrace these experiences and find them to be a constant resource, available at anytime. I cultivate these experiences.
I wrote about two pages this morning, and afterwards, I felt reassured. I felt connected. I felt supported in a choice to let go of something in my life that I had been trying to make work, but wasn't working. I felt strengthened in my resolve. I felt that I was doing the right thing, doubt was lifted. That was a spiritual experience.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Spirituality: minimally defined
On Earth Day, I wrote a little ditty about connecting to the Earth. Then did not get it posted, obviously. How fun that would have been to have Earth Day be the first post. Alas, my life as it is, no post on Thursday. But that's okay because I didn't really like it. I have lots of ideas, spiritual ideas (hence the blog idea) but what came out felt quite canned, like I was trying to teach somebody something. Which may be the role of an article, but the blog will be more personal than that. I will write what is in my heart and perhaps that will help someone. But essentially it will be my story. That feels more honest.
For the first post, a discussion of spirituality is called for. What do I mean by "spirituality?" I use it to mean the study, the cultivation, of that part of the human being that is not the mind.
If someone says, "Think of a cat," most of us can picture a cat in our minds.
Who made the cat and who is seeing the cat? I see the cat. The person I call "I" or "me" is seeing the cat. Who made the cat? My mind. My mind is the tool.
I picture myself sitting in a chair. To my left is my mind. To my right is "God" or my God-self. I am sitting in the middle and at any time, I can choose where I will put my attention. "Seek and ye shall find," is a fact because God is right there. Always. I just have to turn my metaphorical head.
Over time for me the mind has shrunk to about the size of grapefruit (a tangerine on a good day) and Spirit/God/God-self is everything else. Everything else, including me. But it depends on where my focus is on any particular day. Because I can lose myself in my mind. And I can believe what it tells me, like it's the only thing going on worth listening to and by the way that includes all those people you thought loved you. Forget it baby. It's you and me against the world. And other such brilliance.
When I turn my attention in the other direction, I can see all the love in my life, I can see that I'm okay, right now, in this moment, and that can be good enough.
Where do I want to go? Where the mind is God too. A little toolbox, but still God. God's little toolbox.
In future posts, I will use Spirit/God/God-self interchangeably. And what I will mean by that may become more clear over time, or may change day to day. I will reference, often inaccurately, every religion, and every anti-religion, on the planet, hopefully, because I think they all are offering the same thing at their core: freedom from the illusion of separation. In other words, connection. I will try to refrain from judgement about any of them, instead focusing on what they offer to my path.
I started this blog because of a dream. Let's see where it goes.
For the first post, a discussion of spirituality is called for. What do I mean by "spirituality?" I use it to mean the study, the cultivation, of that part of the human being that is not the mind.
If someone says, "Think of a cat," most of us can picture a cat in our minds.
Who made the cat and who is seeing the cat? I see the cat. The person I call "I" or "me" is seeing the cat. Who made the cat? My mind. My mind is the tool.
I picture myself sitting in a chair. To my left is my mind. To my right is "God" or my God-self. I am sitting in the middle and at any time, I can choose where I will put my attention. "Seek and ye shall find," is a fact because God is right there. Always. I just have to turn my metaphorical head.
Over time for me the mind has shrunk to about the size of grapefruit (a tangerine on a good day) and Spirit/God/God-self is everything else. Everything else, including me. But it depends on where my focus is on any particular day. Because I can lose myself in my mind. And I can believe what it tells me, like it's the only thing going on worth listening to and by the way that includes all those people you thought loved you. Forget it baby. It's you and me against the world. And other such brilliance.
When I turn my attention in the other direction, I can see all the love in my life, I can see that I'm okay, right now, in this moment, and that can be good enough.
Where do I want to go? Where the mind is God too. A little toolbox, but still God. God's little toolbox.
In future posts, I will use Spirit/God/God-self interchangeably. And what I will mean by that may become more clear over time, or may change day to day. I will reference, often inaccurately, every religion, and every anti-religion, on the planet, hopefully, because I think they all are offering the same thing at their core: freedom from the illusion of separation. In other words, connection. I will try to refrain from judgement about any of them, instead focusing on what they offer to my path.
I started this blog because of a dream. Let's see where it goes.
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